On One Delicous Day...

I heard, the other day, the term Laterally Productive;
Oh NPR, so aware.
Maybe that explains the pains of this fall
Autumn? nay, lately fall namely.

But oh, listen to this mumbling
Faltering to succeed, fumbling feebly
In the space between resolute certainty
and utter defeat.

It's terribly cold outside today - unusually so
But things will warm this weekend, as rain comes through

Blue-Hubbard Pie to warm the soul
Whole wheat crust, don't you know

21 just around the corner and Holidays too
Passion reinvented? Perhaps old enthusiasm
Success and sight of that old horizon
renewed?

What I do know is Cooking and Baking
Saturdays spent happily fist-deep in dough
crouching-cleaning-calling life
not the shots - but me

Dark Rye: Success with errors
Biscotti: Tasty but imperfect

Sage'nApricot, so apropo

Yogurt: Trial 2

Srirachi Seared Chicken and roots: Not spicy but sure and soulful
Octoberfest: Meet November

All things good
Friday, even snow...
Now if only I could focus on my work
And not the life unlived beyond
Windows.

Flip, sizzle, change, repeat

These flap jacks

Sizzling a'pan

A total shift from the normal rift

Running through my Sunday stay

Like so many things

suddenly coming to mind

Autumnal color changes as this plate for the bowl

The weekend and work, indistinguished

But maybe now, a stage finished

and I'm ready to move on.

Pancakes are no harbinger of life

But emotion, color: red and rosy hue

Love and desire: taste and wonder

These things do beckon for the first in some time

Wherein I spent in wander.

Well, whatever I think

However two steps ahead seem to follow

A path long wandered

and a step fewer

I know I feel more real and true

In a first of forevers

and am certain

Sundays are better begun with a sizzle than a stir

A dollop of Pumpkin butter - Cranberry compote atop

Pancakes, Overnight, Arising for One

Per three silver-dollars...

a quarter cup whole-meal flour (sour like rye)

a tablespoon dry buttermilk, 1/2 teaspoon baking soda and powder

-better together- pinch of salt, and plenty of spice.

1/8 cup quick oats to texture the taste, 2 tsp molasses to deepen the mood

1 tsp yeast, begun in warm water - 1/4 cup or so - sprinkled with sugar

a few tablespoons wheat gluten - white flour if you have none such vital tool

a half-egg beaten light

All combined and left overnight

Fried up fast, flipped once and topped right

however you might...

Mix n' Mash

Monstrously pumpkin
Sickly autumnal
Pumpkin butter
Halloween
Everything orange, gold, red, and green
Spread between baked bread
Sourdough from my Henion

In its (stagram) glory

buttery, balled up tight

so as to stay by me

morning

noon

won't last to night...

Pumpkin Buttery good.

1/2 cup Brown Sugar
2 tsp Blackstrap Molasses
1 tbsp Cinnamon
1 tsp Ginger
1/2 tsp allspice + some nutmeg?
1/4 cup Apple CIder
1 tsp citrus juiced
1 1/2 cups pumpkin pureed

Lost in the Middle

A place between summer sun
Winter weather
Snowflakes and quiet sips of spicy tea
Autumn - I disapprove of fall
For fall suggests we fall from heights to doldrums
All I fall for is Orange foods and into the leaves raked high

Yes, it has been so very long since speaking last:
Baking, writing, testing, and work
Life is long but its days shortening
College I fear is my life
This latest equinox the waning light

I have not foregone the pan
Nay, nor the oven
These hands are rough in testament to that
and the love I feel for my new job at the Henion
and hard tasks, soft dough
and warm soul.

Still I find myself in a better place than I thought to see
through this difficult kaleidoscope
Not the spyglass set once on hard lines
and an empty horizon.

I still need to find my fix
but closer and less obscure:
Of this, I'm sure.

To pass the time? Some sweet, and savory
Treats to taste for.

 Pickling: Perhaps

Crust recaptured

Scones?

Poppyseed and lemon alone

Flannel Hash meet Latke Stack

Churning it Out

Chugging along
Changing the feel of summer, near gone
Finding time, finally, to finish some thoughts

Day to day: lived the same simple way
But happy to be just so briefly free.
Well, free, if not for that small friend in me
Whispering words of cruel intentions
Every day less, but never distant.


Well, troubles abound
I still see the way to be me.

A week of things learned
A week of friends earned
No - found

Long days concluded with hot oven
Fresh food
Quietude found.


 Some Noshing, in order of its naming
- That Sourdough Light Rye, above, to perfect

-These Refrigerator Pickles, simple, still pickling

So simple, this pickle:

1 Cucumber, 2 Carrots, 3 Tablespoons of Rice Wine Vinegar

Some Basil, Cilantro, Pepper and salt

Topped off with water

Good things do start...

-Finally, well poached egg atop that bread

Some Kimchi and corn, sauteed with Chicken Sausage

Salad warm...

Peachy

Picking peaches piled and fallen
forgotten and free like few things
for me...

Brown Bananas - brace for baking
Long tired weekends - Perfectly needed
To usher one last week:
Bake the lab a treat

Banana Bread with Lemony Hints of Peach

 350 degrees, some 40 minutes please.
1 1/4 cup flour - your mill of favor+1 teaspoon baking soda:
Half whole wheat in this loaf.
2 bananas - large and ripe - mashed with 1 peach - skinned.
Eggs, fruit, sugar (1 cup), and spice: all mashed, all kneaded.
Oh, and a dash of vanilla and lemon extracts - so very needed!
1/4 cup oil and equal part yogurt: moist and healthy, or so I tell me.

2 thin loaves, or 1 thick. Don't overdo it, mixing or to bake.

Blunt

I'll be Frank.
My name is Ben. I study the biology of plants and for an interest in the subjects of food, hunger, and all things masticated.
Why do I have that interest? Well, I am Italian. I love to please, serve, impress, and perfect. I love science and have long dreamed of life as a restaurateur. It all began with an article on Wheat Rust, one on Cassava as a staple grain, and the Culinary institute of America set down the road.
Most realistically, I am an Anorexic; fighting the need to run and ride. I have had Anorexia Athletica for, perhaps, four years now. It all began...
Well I know when. Little matters it to you. Really, little matters it to me.
What matters is that I'm finally in a place where I can see - at least in the mirror - the real me.
It will be long and slow, but a marching I will go.

Marching with a desire to eat and a strong stomach decidedly against it.
No

A poisoned eye too small for my stomach
Until Pretzels are involved - my gateway Nosh


But here's my weekend food for thought. Maybe you'll find it fair and take a share.
Latkes and Zucchini Cakes.
The former shallow fried, the latter baked.
Sad evidence for the rectifying power of hot oil and flour...

Thank you Bon Apetit. For a change, I finally followed a recipe of yours

Progressions

Thinking then thoughts
Things which were
I slept, now stir
Good ideas to things that were
All of life is a change from there to here
I Present pursue the way things were

Food fights, I fidget
Harbor gripes
I'll one day get with it
But for now, feeling without
I cook to remember
Not the taste of my cake - for I dare not eat it
But the reasons for which I fight this mistake
Mighty misgivings - food for thought
Something I now must enjoy
Or, in least, just take.

Take a bite of Biscotti - Crispy almost Grainy
A recipe to work on: Gluten free and hard-won
Speckled with Chcoolate, Diced Figs, and little bits
Rice flour, Sorghum, Cornmeal, and so crumbly!
Sad to say, the least of these recipes...

SO far...

 I'll next add more sugar, lose Cornmeal, bake shorter.

Next and well made, but too rich to this current state
Green pesto, Arugula's manifesto
Walnuts, Evoo, that tender Green (Arugula I mean)
and roasted garlic.

I borrowed a it to make Peach-topped toasts

I'll next add more garlic, half roast...

Finally, and simplest of all;
My favorite make this week was
Figs soaked and sweet
Jarred in reduced Chardonay simmered down
a splash of Agave, and herbs from the garden:
A little Rosemary, what little Lavender.

I'll serve it with Chevre

If it lasts so long...

These Days

It seems harder and harder
The soaking, the mixing, fry pans sauteeing
Especially, and most sadly my baking.
I know for a fact, I still love a light crumb
A wafting scent of bread and butter
Or the crackle and bubbling of a stove-top
Something.

It takes a village to villify
Just me to venerate
Both to enjoy a dinner party
While fighting my fears
Sweetening this distaste.

So I thought I'd use that fish, those tortillas, some salt
Cilantro, Red rice, Black Beans, no faults.

Loosely inspired by The Times Salsa Verde
A Good Meal's grilled fish
Garnished with Avocado, Sweet Mango, and fresh slaw
Good friends, some wine, night air
Maybe I'm just fine
If only for a time.

Tomatillo Salsa
A sole clove of Garlic, roasted-minced, added to the called-for:
6 Tomatillos, blanched and minced
1/2 onion, diced small
a few tablespoons of lime juice, less is more...
1/4 cup Cilantro, pepper, and salt to taste
Some water to your liking and help to blend
Next time: diced chiles, roasted or fresh.
Pureed in blender, too thin to call salsa, reduced for a time to your liking

Simple Grilled Mahi
Marinated in a light mix
Salt, pepper, Cilantro, and lime
Some olive oil, diced onion, pepper flakes, and time.
Grilled until firm, 3 minutes to a side, hopefully leaving some char marks
Few are fine; Better juicy than over-timed.

Serve family style your garnish and fish - some chicken was used, to shore up the dish -
Rice and Beans - simmered with cilantro and salsa, salt and lime - seperate but equal
Red Rice (whole grain!) this time.

I wish I'd enjoyed it.
Was it fear? Certainly.
Of food, flavor, reception, each calorie?
I can't say but see them clearer by the day.
Victory at hand?
Just maybe.

Let me Elaborate

Why do I write? Why do I cook? Why bother fight? Picture the plates and inroads?
Because I feel, some days, for loss of tongue.
Feel, some ways, for want of life at 20-something young.
Reel some days at the settling sound of silence in spite of a shining sun.

Because I feel compelled and inspired
Refuse to stay quiet, refuse to stay tired
Seek to inspire, myself so long mired
Inspire not my feet - they already meet at the pavement so easily
Inspire, rather, my soul expired.

I've long fought with food and fright
For want of thinness, safety from flight
Little I knew I would be built - broken really
Something new; a face you thought you knew
Now four years stewed

Love lost, passion askew
This mirror of mine, broken and true
Well, I refuse to go on for seven years more
I want a future where my older-self in-store
Love returned, body and soul...

I fight tooth and nail, with a villanous side of myself
It's named anorexia
and I its tale.
Writing, cooking, thinking, and all
To put back the pieces fractured by fall.

Somewhere in the pieces, the tool to resistance.

Muffins, Muffins, Mad about 'Em

Preheat oven to 350 degrees and prepare muffin tin of your choosing: I very much recommend paper liners of some sort. Add grated zucchini and beats to wet ingredients EXCEPT for the vinegar. Dice peaches small and irregularly, adding to wet ingredients. Combine all dry ingredients beside baking soda and set aside.
Add vinegar and baking powder last, together and then to rest of mixed batter, after wet and dry mixtures have been combined. Bake for approximately 25 minutes - these muffins do take a bit of time but keep moist. Browning on muffin cap reflect doneness.

2 Egg

1 cup Rice Flour, Brown

1 1/4 cups Gluten Free Sorghum Flour

1/2 cup Sugar

3 medium Peach

1/2 zucchini(s)

1 Beets, Raw

1/2 cup Hemp Protein Powder

6 oz Low fat yogurt

1 tbsp Safflower Oil

1 tsp Salt

1 1/2 tsp Baking Soda

1 1/2 tsp Baking Powder

1 tbsp White Balsamic Pear Infused Vinegar

1/4 cup water

1 tbsp Xanthan Gum

1/4 cup Agave Nectar

So simple, really.
Healthy, hearty too.
Weekend brunch
Portable too!

http://www.livestrong.com/recipes/peachy-gluten-free-zucchini-bread/

Put it in the Oven!

And fogettahbout' it!
Well so is the hope
Bread to break
Muffins to make

Sourdough, take two, chewy, dense, sour too!
No squirrels or sorrows
Toasted and right...

Coarse Rye, some white, and Whole grain: this time.
Levain starter to serve some rise
"Quintessential French Sourdough" made mine.

A Crust, like Crumb, things to behold

But breakfast beckons...
Like the overabundant veggies, peaches, flours, and flavors to find
Tastes to remind me
There come better times...










A recipe, to come...

So Squirrels...

Lively lot, Squirrels
Finding my blueberries - blue pearls
My rising bread, unbaked - me: unfed
Luck of mine, that's all, I guess.

It's been a busy week and it's Wednesday - that's all? I'm fighting for freedom and summer's end in Fall. Why you ask; it's beyond me, really. The cold and the crawl of homework and textbook sprawl across my desk.
It's life, I guess. That's Fall.

For now I've lost a will to cook quite so much.
Baking, perhaps
Muffins on my mind...

But here, a nugget of knowledge days old

Chicken is best grilled with herbs in repose...

For now, ride a bike, breath cool air, dream of brunches making right

Blueberries, zucchini, Peaches, oh my... Muffins to crumble, tea, weekend sunrise.

Wrap it Up

No Nori? No problem!
Rough weeks more common than rare
Losing sleep, my mind, in equal shares
Dine with friends and forget the stare
Peering back wearily from mirrors aware

Still fighting the urge to measure, nay splurge
Giving in to this want to limit to scant
Simple and fresh, surrounded by friends
A table filled and glasses empty-brimmed

Torturous weeks ask for a change of pace
A change of tastes
Sweet Hoisin-Peanut pastes, perhaps?

 Tomago Omelette, seared shrimp, vegetables julienned, and wrappers two-thick  

 Wrapped as desired, an inch by maybe four? Some forgotten Crab Stick tossed in, if you recall.

No food let waste, Sushi rice unused in good taste made into Chirashi, Avocado added in haste.
Cooking is soothing, so long as I can
Soft rolls are a comfort, not sushi, but better at times?

Another Attempt

On bread and baking:
Science meet sincerity
and long moments take flight
A need fulfilled by the kneaded dough
Warm as soft sifting through my fingers
Warm and wafting, the scents of feeling
Let loose from an oven closed
And freed in a few hours time
Four-hundred degrees.


Some days all you can do to hang on is to sink your fingers into a shaggy ball of dough. Knead your stress into a form more resilient than your own. Make something new from simple familiarity.
What begins as flour and water, salt and butter; a jar of activity and microbial colony ends as a sour loaf, baguette, or boule of comfort and flavor.

It's days - nay endless stays - which make us this way
Simple pleasures being all it takes to set the mind straight.

So Sourdough take 2: a starter of Rye and dough of Wheat alone. Rosemary sprinkled in and 3 loaves rolled   from.
How did it rise? Better than expected
What's next?
More trials and hopefully the pleasantly unexpected.

Maybe I'll make a fine sandwich; perhaps an egg poached atop
Hopefully I'll taste its sweetness
Something I've long forgot...

Small steps.

Cookies, on a cloudy day...

Like the words of one wise animated shark: Fish are friends. It should conclude "like food."
So lately I've found, the opposite to be true. Food is frenzied and frivolous - a worrisome thing and a tool. Where is the love? On the horizon, I know, but how far?
When I make it, I'll let you know...

But this day

Sadly Buckwheat flour renders them similarly gray but renders no such syndrome of weather.
Gluten free, sweet, soft - not crispy; sometimes a good thing can be simple.
Cookies work that way especially shared with another.
Thank goodness for a pantry so ample...

To play about with ingredients, so novel, recipes simple and strange
Add chocolate and cherries, sugar and spice
The things that can never go wrong...

With Oats rolled, flour allergy-free, butter and oil - coconut solids - a chocolate chip frenzy...
Risen, just slightly, by chemical means and introducing the sweets of my friend: the oven.

Gluten-free Chocolate Oat Cookies

2 cups Rolled oats, a-cup-and-a-quarter Buckwheat, a half teaspoon salt and baking soda each...
Cinnamon and vanilla - how much would you like? Chocolate chips and Butterscotch tossed in - a cup total - or more, if you choose.
1 cup Brown Sugar, 2 eggs, creamed with solids best: butter - 5 tbsp - and Coconut - 6.

Baked at 350, balled and flattened close. Yielding about 2 dozen.
Comfort, 10 minutes close.

But before dessert comes dinner - lately a simple affair.
Simple for mind and spicy for spirit. Peanut Chicken on these brilliant Banana nut Muffins of mine and topped by Mushrooms and Squash - sauteed and sesame.
With a salad and cilantro dressed - a simple pleasure of gustatory extraordinaire...

Early Risers

There is a world awake
And a world at rest - before me is one and behind me the  rest
Respectively

Its not for scorn but may once have been
Nor is it in fear, however clear its head rear
I profess though, I'm still unclear.


I question wisdom and those said wise
resting early and early to rise
for I am a fool and live in such time

But the world exposed I know eventually
will compose

The Things to discover beneath morning's cover

Anyhow, a food filled weekend of mixed flavors and occasional bad taste (par for the course, however many there are); mouth filled with laughter; lingering memories on long ago...

A weekend to cook and think. Here, some of the better thoughts:

Soba Noodles, tossed with Greens

 Warmed with Stir fried Tofu and Shrimp.

 Dressed with :Lime Juice, Fish sauce, Scallions slivered and cilantro chopped. Sesame oil - hot - and the  occasional beet sliced slim.

Umami, named thus

Warm and Savory Soba Salad

Bread, not such success, but all is not just and war and love. Foods' fight with this heart rages on and my love persists. The next loaf will be high-risen

Maybe my mind and heart one week closer to a better world - more light.

Holding it Down

Careful not to let the layers slip.
Fried egg, I command thee to be:
Delicious and perched upon Veggie Patty.
Slid between Muffins: More from Thomas
Sweet with banana, mustard with cranberry.

I can be red-meat-free and have my egg too! I dare you, deny it, and miss out on a simply perfect thing.

Some days - a today like a yesterday - I just want to eat well without planning, preparing, much cleaning, or really caring.
A veggie burger, it fills that need but not a simple one, plain, or catchup-and-mustard slain.
Onions? No, try seared scallions cooked in, browned slow.

It's odd, really, a cloudy day really can be made better by a sunny yolk, simple flavors, and dinner taken slow.

The Sunny Side of Veggie-Burger

Sliced Raddish and Scallions, sauteed with EVOO. Amy's Veggie pattie, seared warm and crisp.
An English Muffin Toasted, spread with moutard - sweet.
Egg spread sunny-side among veggies bright.

Layered
Muffin
Patty
Egg
Mustard
Oh, muffin top, right... So hard to eat, the yolk escaping. Knife and fork, light sweet pea slaw soaked yellow.

Do enjoy. Brunch Burgers aren't just for the Angus patty anymore.

Difficulties of Simplicity

Why is simple so severe in a world which spins and spins
I feel some days like a bearing, without a wheel
Watching the spin and senseless to its force
centripetal.

It's been a week without remorse, unrelenting and retreating too slowly for my taste. Instead of something simple, eating is for me a serious task.
To have something comforting but not plain, that may seem daunting. Truly, however, such a dinner can be so easily found in a refrigerator well fed by farm share freshness. I've truly become fond of sauteed greens and eggs, perched atop hearty bread and recently I've begun to rediscover English Muffins as well. Weekend goal: Bake my own. In the time until: Thomas' Banana Bread edition.
You read that right - Banana, Eggs, Greens... So Right!

Simple supper - 6/26

Sweet onions, some garlic, grainy mustard - sweat down. Added: Kohlrabi, Swiss Chard, Slivered Beets (don't crowd!) Fried Eggs set atop, toasted muffin beside. Dining Al Fresco...

I promise (to me) I will thrive (waiting to see).